I think I won the penis lottery.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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