Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
