I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
