I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
