Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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