porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
