I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
