My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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