I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
