I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
