I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
