I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
