you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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