I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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