I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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