and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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