I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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