I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
