I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
is wine microwaveable?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You were trust falling into bushes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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