i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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