no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Operation Purity has been aborted
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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