Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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