It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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