It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
