I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
