I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
