tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
