oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
