dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
