I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
