Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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