I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
