Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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