Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize