I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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