apparently the secret to your success is patron
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
