you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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