I showed him my bush... on skype.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
