Moan for me like Helen Keller
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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