my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
