do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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