That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
