the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
