Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
