The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize