How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im holly from the hills drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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