I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
