Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
