did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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