I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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