Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize