So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
