People in love make me want to vomit
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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