This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you have feelings for this penis?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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