So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i love accidental penises.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
