Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
