Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
