so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
