Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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