As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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