chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
