At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
