I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Randomize
