friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
