I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
