whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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