I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
