Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
