You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
