i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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