So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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