my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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