He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
