so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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