Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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