Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I deserve this hangover.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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