I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
